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My Thoughts


O Lord, You have searched me and known me.
You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
You understand my thought from afar. (Psalm 139:1-2)

          This is one of my top favorites. I can’t put them in any numerical order and proclaim a specific verse my absolute favorite, but this psalm is in contention, and the third line above is the lynchpin on which the whole song turns for me. Other folks love the part about being knitted together in their mother’s womb, and I love that verse, too. But this one is more personal.
         Knitting and crocheting are means of manufacture. I know that some folks make magnificent stuff, but it’s still manufacturing. In my mind, the verse above can be pictured as God sitting on the throne doing His God stuff with hosts of angels doing their angels stuff. God holds up a finger and says, “One moment, please. Karen is having a thought. I want to hear it.” Because He’s God, He can do His God stuff and pause for every thought every person thinks without missing a beat. My thoughts mattering means more to me than my manufacturing process.
          There are two bad directions a person can go with this idea. The first is to resent that God intrudes on your thoughts. The second is to think that everything, including God, revolves around you. Neither of those could find a home in this Psalm.
          There also seems to be a good direction a person – at least this person – can go. “Impostor Syndrome is a pervasive feeling of self-doubt, insecurity, or fraudulence despite often overwhelming evidence to the contrary.[1] It’s the assurance that as soon as people find out what a freak or a fake you are, they won’t like you anymore, and, even worse, they might tell everyone else.
          What this passage says is that there is no possibility of God being faked out. It’s humbling to think that He knows it all. He knows the worst and still loves. God is god enough to overcome the worst we are. He can face our thoughts without cringing, crying, or walking away. It’s freeing when one doesn’t have to hide behind a mask

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