O Lord, You have searched me and
known me.
You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
You understand my thought from afar. (Psalm 139:1-2)
You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
You understand my thought from afar. (Psalm 139:1-2)
This is one of
my top favorites. I can’t put them in any numerical order and proclaim a
specific verse my absolute favorite, but this psalm is in contention, and
the third line above is the lynchpin on which the whole song turns for me. Other
folks love the part about being knitted together in their mother’s womb, and I love
that verse, too. But this one is more personal.
Knitting and
crocheting are means of manufacture. I know that some folks make magnificent stuff,
but it’s still manufacturing. In my mind, the verse above can be pictured as
God sitting on the throne doing His God stuff with hosts of angels doing their
angels stuff. God holds up a finger and says, “One moment, please. Karen is
having a thought. I want to hear it.” Because He’s God, He can do His God stuff
and pause for every thought every person thinks without missing a beat. My
thoughts mattering means more to me than my manufacturing process.
There are two
bad directions a person can go with this idea. The first is to resent that God intrudes
on your thoughts. The second is to think that everything, including God, revolves
around you. Neither of those could find a home in this Psalm.
There also seems
to be a good direction a person – at least this person – can go. “Impostor Syndrome is a pervasive feeling
of self-doubt, insecurity, or fraudulence despite often overwhelming evidence
to the contrary.[1] It’s the
assurance that as soon as people find out what a freak or a fake you are, they
won’t like you anymore, and, even worse, they might tell everyone else.
What this passage says is that there is no possibility of God being
faked out. It’s humbling to think that He knows it all. He knows the worst and
still loves. God is god enough to overcome the worst we are. He can face our
thoughts without cringing, crying, or walking away. It’s freeing when one doesn’t
have to hide behind a mask
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