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Search Me!


          Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me and know my anxious thoughts; and see if there be any hurtful way in me, and lead me in the everlasting way. (Psalm 139:23-24)

          This small piece of the psalm is one of my favorite Biblical prayers. There was a time when I shrank away from it as from poison. I knew that I would fail the examination. I knew He would interfere with my plans, my hopes, and my dreams. That didn’t stop Him from having a hand in my plans, hopes, dream, or life. He blessed, lead, loved, and disciplined me anyway.
          Somewhere along the line, I figured out that holding God at arm’s length was impossible. How do you hold someone at arm’s length while wanting to cling to them? I might have been desperate to keep Him from interfering, but I was even more desperate for Him. For a time, I prayed and spiritually ducked for cover. I cringed at what I was sure would come. In general, what I feared didn’t happen, but what did happen was sometimes harder (I think) than what I feared would have been.
          A longer way down the line, I seem to have stopped cringing. I do not pray it often, but it’s in hope that God will fix the things in me that aren’t good for me. Recently, I’ve noticed that there are times when this prayer is almost joyous. Whatever may come is worth it.
          Wherever you are on this spectrum, pray the prayer anyways.

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