Eli

 In her deep anguish Hannah prayed to the Lord, weeping bitterly. And she made a vow, saying, “Lord Almighty, if you will only look on your servant’s misery and remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give him to the Lord for all the days of his life, and no razor will ever be used on his head.”

As she kept on praying to the Lord, Eli observed her mouth.  Hannah was praying in her heart, and her lips were moving but her voice was not heard. Eli thought she was drunk and said to her, “How long are you going to stay drunk? Put away your wine.” (I Samuel 1:10-14) 

Yesterday morning in Sunday School, we watched a video of a woman in the Gambia who told of her conversion to Christ and her pursuit of a desire to help orphan children. We had several people in the class who are excited about the ministries they are developing. I loved seeing their enthusiasm, but then I drove home to face myself. I’ve written about vision, and I’ve prayed for one, but I can’t say I have anything to compare with theirs. Hannah’s prayer came to mind – and I have to ask myself if there’s anything that I could pray her prayer about, or that someone might be tempted to accuse me of being drunk because I was so passionate about it. I’ve had some people accuse me of being crazy – but not drunk.

Yesterday’s post listed a number of things that I’ve expended a lot of willpower, time, and energy on – I’m no stranger to those things, but what of now? And what of God?

Returning to the two stories, the woman in the video spoke of a desire to help orphan children. Hannah prayed for a child. She’d give the child back to God if she could just have a child. Those are natural and good desires, but not exactly spiritual. God is involved in making them happen, and God accomplishes His will through them, but there’s nothing in either story that suggests that God gave these women visions that were somehow outside of their personalities. It’s not like Hannah went to bed one night hating the notion of ever having a child and woke up the next morning desperate to produce the next leader of Israel. I doubt that the woman in the video never saw an orphan before she decided that she was willing to struggle and be persecuted on the road to being a House Mother associated with Remember Nhu.

All of this goes back to something I’ve said many times and now get to apply to myself again. Do you see a problem? Is there something you’d like to do? If it’s a good, moral thing, don’t assume that because it’s not “spiritual” it’s not from God or it’s somehow wrong.

I mentioned somewhere else yesterday afternoon that as I look at pictures I’ve taken over the years, I’m amazed to see what a variety of things I’ve seen and done. I’ve raised and held three different species of butterfly. I’ve also thought and written about being a Nobody – basically a failure in life because I haven’t accomplished what this person or that did. They became experts in their field of expertise. They sound so smart, and when I listen to myself, I am beginning to think that I’m woefully under-educated, and probably uneducable but here’s the thing. Those other people may well have spent their entire life focused on one thing. They may be – so to speak – 5-star generals. I feel like a sergeant, or maybe even a PFC. I may not be some strategic mastermind, but if I can learn to cook healthy meals and dig latrines (or whatever – that’s not specifically on my list, it’s just a menial task that a PFC might be required to do) then I may well be of more practical use to the army than at least some of the generals. And both are needed. And if some Eli wants to look down his nose at me – let him.