“I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. (John 15:5, 8)
This morning as I
read my Advent devotional (a day behind), one of the questions was, “Is it easy
or hard for you to set aside your own
plans and trust that God will provide?” Excuse me while I pick myself up off
the floor after my laughing fit.
Yes.
No.
Maybe.
Sometimes.
It depends.
One of the things
that tells me God is guiding me toward something is when my reaction to the
idea is “No, no, no, no, no, no, no…” If I’m not against the idea, I tend to
think it’s mine and therefore likely not God’s. That’s the problem with a lot
of my life right now. I’m doing things that I think are my idea, and therefore,
they can’t be the right direction. I’m waiting for God to crush everything I’m
trying to do, and while I dread His doing so, I know that if I’m going in a
wrong direction, the best thing He can do is stop me.
Instead, He seems
to be producing good results and even aiding me. But what if I’m wrong? What if
I’m misreading things? He’s welcome to direct me. I pray for His direction, but
what if I’m doing a good thing for a bad
reason, or…or…or… I’ve said it before – I don’t think it’s so much that I don’t
trust Him. I don’t trust me, and because I “must be wrong” what I see as His
producing fruit must be an error on my part. He has blessed, and blessed again,
but what if I’m wrong? What if I’m fooling myself? The truth is that God can –
and does – do good even when I am not doing what He wants.
On the other
side, there are times when I am convinced that something is God’s will. I’m
just as stubborn in my “Oh, OK” as I was in my “No, no, no.” Both sides
together are why I so often ask for prayers about wisdom, direction, and
attitude.
Today’s passage
says that apart from Jesus, we can do nothing. That’s the other reason I keep
thinking that somehow, the insanity of the direction I’m headed is God’s will. My
life has never been exactly what others (or I) expect. I’m not sure I’m “bearing
fruit” but I seem to be making progress. Eight years ago when I started down
the road that has led to here, I never dreamed I would be where I am. I took Abram’s
example as my own, leaving my home to go to a place I did not know. My plan was
to step back into my old life when my father died, but I don’t know if I could
find my old life if I tried. It didn’t fit when I was in it before, and I doubt
the fit would be improved if I found it.
It’s all for the
better, because it makes it more necessary to abide in the vine, even if I don’t
realize that’s what I’m doing.
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