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Oh Lord...You Know




O LORD, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise;.

                                                                                                                Psalm 139:1-2a




         This is the beginning of a much-loved psalm. It's another wisdom song and it's one of my favorites. This is another passage that I suggest you pray aloud and pay attention to your own reactions to what you are saying to God. In the Hebrew, the first line doesn't include the second "me." It says, "Lord, you have searched me and you know. We throw around the word "omniscient." We say that God knows, but stop for a moment and really meditate on what is being said here. "Lord, you have searched me, and you know." He knows. He knows your anger. He knows your pain. He knows your fears. He knows your dreams. He knows your failures. He knows your victories. He knows the depth of your love and the shallowness of your faith. All those things you don't want anyone to know? All those things that you forgot? All those things you try to hide? He knows.
      This can be terrible and it can be freeing. It's terrible because so many of the things that God knows because He has searched me and He knows are things that I tend to think are things that cause Him to frown, or glower, or in some other agonizing way express His disapproval. It can be difficult to believe that He knows, and that He still loves.
       In another way, it's freeing. Since God knows these things, you no longer have to hide them. It's a waste of time to try to hide them. He knows. Some people seem to believe that it's wrong to be angry, especially at God. They may be right that it's wrong, but pretending that we're not angry - or denying it even to ourselves doesn't help. The Psalms helped me with this. There are times when David calls down God's judgment on his enemies. He uses such phrases as "shatter their teeth!" There are times when David cries out, "How long, Oh Lord?" This is the same David who, in this Psalm, sang, "You have searched me, and You know."
      Reading the Psalms, I have begun to learn that God is not threatened by our anger, pain, fears, etc. They are not a problem for Him. How freeing to say, "You have searched me, and You know." That confession is the first step. You don't have to pretend any more. You can look at it for what it is and deal with it as it is.  
 



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