Have I not commanded you? Be strong
and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever
you go.” (Joshua 1:9)
It
has been about a year since this all started. I didn't start blogging until
September, but it was in July that I decided that if Dad was going south for
the winter that I had to go with him. I quit my job. I took Grace (my Shiba)
through training classes. Dad, Grace and I moved from a 3 bedroom ranch to a
thirty year old 37 foot motor home that we parked in a nice resort in
Zephyrhills, FL. I made friends there and started singing again. I decided it
would cost less to let my hair grow than to get it cut and colored. I did
research and wrote a couple articles, and even sent one out to be published. It
seems to have fallen into a black hole. I joined a writer's guild, the master
of which trashed my idea for a story. He's shredded other bits of poor writing
that I thought was good (He was right.) I
took an exercise class. I started making changes to my diet, eliminating a number of old standbys,
including coffee. I moved back to Erie and began to write letters to the editor
about how to make Erie a better place. I've been invited to speak on the
subject next Thursday. I planted a
garden that is overgrown with weeds. I had surgery on my toe and learned to
walk again. I had numerous cavities filled along my gumline (my teeth are still
sensitive.) I have a doctor's appointment
soon at which I hope to be given instructions on how to take care of a body
that is no longer 40.
Does it sound like I've had a full
plate for the last year? One of the things I remember about the year is the
amount of time I spent afraid, and the number of times I had to step into the
unknown. I also remember the number of times I have felt like a complete failure, usually right before something good happens. I'm facing two more of those in the next couple weeks as I give my
presentation next Thursday and as I go to the doctor's the week after that. At
the moment, I am absolutely positive that my 60 minute presentation will last
10 and that those who attend will walk away thinking that I haven't a clue. I
also suspect that my doctor's PA is going to prescribe drastic changes to my
diet or something worse. Mind you, these things aren't as likely to happen as I
believe. I'm just afraid. By now, I should be used to it, but every time is
brand new.
There's
no handy instruction guide on how to be courageous. The best I can say at the
moment is that it involves doing the obvious as it becomes obvious in spite of
wanting to run away. It involves trusting but my discussion of that subject has
to wait a bit yet. Sometimes, it involves tears. Right now, there are lots of
tears, because the task of helping Erie become a better place is huge, and I
haven't found any good instruction manuals on that subject either.
God promised Joshua victory. He
didn't tell Joshua exactly what that victory was going to look like. Joshua did
have an instruction manual. It contained one instruction: "Do exactly what
God tells you to do." The fact that he had to be told to be courageous
more than once means that he didn't find it easy. It isn't meant to be easy. He
had a huge task. If I am right, we have a huge task, and within that huge task,
I have a role, and you have a role. Be strong and courageous with me.
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