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Seventy Seven


                Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?”

                Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. (Matthew 18:21-22)
           I hate to even bring these things up. The hurt can run so deep. Sometimes, you don't even have to remember what happened, but it scars you deeply. Like everyone else, I've been through some things that hurt. Fortunately for me, none of them have been the big horrific sort of things. Some were mere misunderstandings. I'm still not sure I have all the details straight, but when I was very young, I was apparently taken to a hospital for tests. The hospital rules at the time were that either my parents stayed with me 24/7 or they came back when I was ready to leave. The hospital didn't want to traumatize children by having parents coming and going. That's the way that it worked at that hospital at the time. My parents couldn't stay. My baby-self decided I was abandoned. Apparently when my parents came to get me, I swung at them. I don't  remember any of this, but it caused a deep wound that I didn't even know was there for years.
       Somehow in college, I  discovered the infection that emotional injury caused. I think I was too stunned by it at first. Eventually I forgave my parents. The next day, or week, or a year and a half later the pain and the anger came back, sometimes stronger than before. I would have to forgive again.  At some  point, I came to understand my parents innocence and the hospital's "guilt." That made more forgiveness necessary. That hospital is the one with which my primary care physician works. That makes it my hospital. I guess that means I've forgiven them.
          I don't know how many times I had to forgive my parents. I didn't count because of course each time was going to  be the last. I can imagine myself trying to keep count. If I was angry yesterday and I'm angry today is did I really forgive them yesterday? Is that two times or just one? How do I know if I've forgiven? Where is my tally sheet from a year ago when I last forgave them? Have I forgiven them 23 times, or 32? If I've lost count, do I have to start over?  (I'm not really being humorous here, that's the way my mind works.)
       I suspect there aren't many people who could actually forgive someone 77 times and then say, "That's it! You've reached your limit. I'm not forgiving you any more!" By the 77th time, I suspect that two things have happened that are really the same thing. First,  you will have developed the habit of responding to that injury by forgiveness. Secondly, the injury will have healed; perhaps not perfectly, but substantially. That's the wisdom of God at work.

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