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Love Is Not Self-Seeking


Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. (I Corinthians 13:4-8a) 


But for those who are self-seeking and who reject the truth and follow evil, there will be wrath and anger (Romans 2:8)

self-seeking: to look for, seek out, try to obtain, desire to possess or strive for himself, herself, itself, themselves…

          This one is a challenge. I’ve been disgusted with my love for God in all the previous tests. I don’t see how I can be any better about not being self-seeking, but with this one I seem to be having a harder time seeing it. I’m also trying to justify myself. That might be bad news. 
         What’s the difference between self-seeking and self-care? I’m not sure. Is this one of those “healthy v unhealthy” things? Is it an issue of boundaries? I don’t know. I’m sure some people will mention that I always want to be right. I know I certainly don’t want to be wrong. My problem with claiming that it’s self-seeking to want to be right is being right has nothing to do with me. It’s not that I am right, and you are wrong, but that this is right and that is wrong. 
         This past winter, the phrase bow the knee came to mind. The picture that goes with it is Jesus in Gethsemane saying, “Not My will but Thine be done, o Lord.” I’m not even sure what it answered, but it has come to mind many times as I have faced a life that is not going the way I want it to. I suspect that there’s going to be a lot more bowing of the knee. I have to smile. This morning my video workout instructor said that when doing a back lunge, the further back the back foot is, the better it is for the knees. You step back to bow the knee and the further back you step, the easier it is on your knees. The goal of that exercise is to build strength and tighten muscles in the largest muscles in the body, in the muscles that make you better able to walk and run, and the muscles that make that walk look and feel good. 
          Time to shift thinking from physical to spiritual. What if stepping back further, and bending the knee isn’t about making God feel good about Himself, or the other person feel good about him/her-self, but it is about strengthening and toning the muscles that make our spiritual walk and run possible, and the muscles that will make that walk look and feel good?  

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