Whoever
claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does
not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom
they have not seen. And he has given us this command: Anyone who loves God must
also love their brother and sister. (I John 4:20-21)
Is
there anyone harder to love than a brother or sister? I’m not slamming my
family here. I think the answer may be “yes.” It may be harder to love a
spouse. For me, it’s harder to love my father. When this was written, “brother
and sister” would have been used to refer to other Christians, particularly
those with whom one interacted regularly, and those on whom one’s life might
depend.
The principle is simple. Those close are difficult to love because they place more demands. They’re harder to ignore. It easy to love someone if “love” means sending a small check every now and again, or smiling at someone who pleases us. It’s more difficult when they know exactly what to do to push our buttons and get on our last nerve, and do it anyway. It’s tough when you can’t escape, and the unending demands are neither trivial nor convenient. I'm learning just how much I worship competence, and despise its opposite, and that can make it very hard to love.
At the same time, it’s easier to love those who are near and here. They can tell us what they want. We see them so it’s not as easy to forget about them. Those who are far away don’t remind us, and often can’t afford to complain when the treatment doesn’t measure up. It’s both harder and easier to love God than it is our brother and sister. It’s harder because we don’t tend to see the effect. God doesn’t respond in the way we think He should. I think He makes it difficult for us to love Him so that we have to exercise our love muscles more. It makes us better lovers.
The principle is simple. Those close are difficult to love because they place more demands. They’re harder to ignore. It easy to love someone if “love” means sending a small check every now and again, or smiling at someone who pleases us. It’s more difficult when they know exactly what to do to push our buttons and get on our last nerve, and do it anyway. It’s tough when you can’t escape, and the unending demands are neither trivial nor convenient. I'm learning just how much I worship competence, and despise its opposite, and that can make it very hard to love.
At the same time, it’s easier to love those who are near and here. They can tell us what they want. We see them so it’s not as easy to forget about them. Those who are far away don’t remind us, and often can’t afford to complain when the treatment doesn’t measure up. It’s both harder and easier to love God than it is our brother and sister. It’s harder because we don’t tend to see the effect. God doesn’t respond in the way we think He should. I think He makes it difficult for us to love Him so that we have to exercise our love muscles more. It makes us better lovers.
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