Impatience

 

You too be patient; strengthen your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is near. (James 5:8)

On the way home from the grocery store, I found myself singing an old chorus. “Guide me, Lord. I don’t know what to do…” The words aren’t always the same, but the meaning is. At that moment, my mind was not focused on something. It doesn’t matter that I have enough to do on my To-Do list to keep me busy for at least the whole day. At that moment, I was doing nothing more than driving. I wasn’t even listening to a story to keep my mind occupied – in fact, that might have been the biggest problem.

I waited at the traffic light, and turned right, into the left-hand lane and behind a vehicle waiting to turn left (as I planned to do a block later.) And what came to mind was that I didn’t seem to mind waiting the few seconds while the car in front of me got the chance to turn, but that I was frustrated if I had to wait a few seconds for God to reveal what He wants me to do – even if it is to continue with what I am doing. Of course, my mind leaped on this. Why was it I didn’t mind waiting for the car to turn but fussed about God not directing (or at least interacting with) my every thought.

Several reasons came to mind. I could see that the driver intended to turn left. He was communicating that fact with his blinker. I could see the road in front of him and knew that oncoming traffic interfered with his ability to turn. It wasn’t that he was deliberately delaying me, but that he was waiting for circumstances to come together in a way that would allow him to do what I wanted. Had he been at a place where I couldn’t see ahead of him, I would still assume that his delay was due to circumstances of the same sort.

So, I face the obvious question. If I am willing to be patient with the driver, why do I become so impatient with myself or – more importantly – with God? I think that part of the problem is that we don’t tend to believe the last part of today’s passage – that the coming of the Lord is near. First, we may think that this refers to the end times and the Second Coming. But God comes near us and is near us. The problem is that we have the same problem I have when I’m driving somewhere I’m not familiar with. I can’t tell how near or far I am from my destination. When I don’t have milestones along the way, the trip takes forever because I’m not making any progress. When I don’t know when or where God is going to “meet me” the distance between them seems to be lightyears instead of miles. And what it all comes down to,  ultimately, is that I don’t trust God as I should.