Which Definition?

           Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. (Ephesians 3:20-21)

          He who is absolute in dominion; the most pure, the most simple, the most spiritual of all essences; infinitely benevolent, beneficent, true and holy. (homework statement.)

          After writing about this homework assignment to think of God magnificently yesterday morning, yesterday afternoon I was in a head-on collision with it. I don’t recall what the issue was, but the questions were clear: did I believe that God is actively and personally benevolent and beneficent toward me?

          And the answer was that I knew, Biblically, that He is, but that I didn’t really believe it. I didn’t feel loved. I didn’t feel blessed. I didn’t sense emanations of benevolence and beneficence, of acceptance, attention, and approval washing over me. So, what was I to do? My answer yesterday was to engage in spiritual warfare. I didn’t put it in quite such succinct terms, but it was time to consider that my perspective was the problem, not God’s love. I could either wallow in self-pity and self-degradation, or I could believe what Scripture says even if I don’t feel it. Am I going to buckle on that belt of truth? That’s faith.

          This morning, I saw this demonstrated. There is a bird virus spreading westward across Pennsylvania (and perhaps elsewhere) and the experts are calling for people to take down and clean their bird feeders, and to not to put them back up until it is safe to do so. I have sparrows and starlings (no pigeons yet) landing in the bush, clearly wondering what happened to breakfast. This illustrates the negative blessing that I tend to believe God for. I’m taking away their food to protect them from something they don’t understand to be a threat.

          I’m free to choose how to respond, whether to trust and accept the blessing I’m being given, or not. Which definition of blessing am I going to accept, the one I claim I believe or the one at work in my mind? I’m choosing  the one I claim – right now.