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Advice

            Listen to advice and accept discipline, and at the end you will be counted among the wise. Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails. (Proverbs 19:20-21)

 

Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:4)

 

He is the one we proclaim, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone fully mature in Christ. (Colossians 1:28)

 

The first passage was the verse-of-the-day at Biblegateway.com, and it proved itself to be food for thought. In a number of writing groups I’ve joined, I see variations on two statements. One is “It’s my story, I’ll do what I want!” The other is “Someone, please tell me what to do.” I don’t often hear them from the same person – unless that person is me. When I first came south, I joined an online writing guild led by a Christian author of some renown. I wasn’t quick to join it because I knew that the only way I would get anything out of it was if I did what the guild master said.

I knew that this writer had lots more experience than I did, and that his wisdom would be useful. I knew that he would approach the subject from some of the same worldview that I have – because he’s known as a Christian author. I also knew that my first reaction to being told what to do is fight or flight. I joined after making the decision that for as long as I was a member, I was going to do things his way, and much of what he told me was good stuff that I needed to learn. Now, as I share with others what I learned from that guild master – and from others along the way, others sometimes seem to think me wise, just as the first passage above says.

But I also encounter fellow writers whose response to advice is, “My writing isn’t for everyone,” or “I write what I like,” or “It’s my story.” Well, yes, of course it isn’t. Of course, you do. Of course, it is.” But is the observation accurate? Would it help?

There’s another side to this that is illustrated in the second passage. Not only do we need to listen, but those who teach us need to be careful in how they teach. This is where so many go wrong today. They see themselves as teachers, but they are abusive in their teaching, leading those they want to teach to walk away. Their goal is to be honored as a teacher and proclaimed to be right rather than for their student to grow to be a mature person, writer, etc. This is where my “You aren’t my parent, my master, or my God” response gets brought into play. And there are times that it is the right response.

And what I need to remember, and to learn to recognize, is when the goal is the one described in the third passage for the day. If the advice I get or give is designed to make me a better person (as I understand “better person”) or to make my performance better (writer, photographer, singer, housekeeper, gardener, etc.) I should listen. If it is about my viewing the other person as superior, I shouldn’t – at least unless I happen to think they’re right about that.

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