Refuges and ...

 Keep me safe, my God, for in you I take refuge. I say to the Lord, “You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing.”

I say of the holy people who are in the land, “They are the noble ones in whom is all my delight.” Those who run after other gods will suffer more and more. I will not pour out libations of blood to such gods or take up their names on my lips.

Lord, you alone are my portion and my cup; you make my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance. I will praise the Lord, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me. I keep my eyes always on the Lord. With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken.

Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure, because you will not abandon me to the realm of the dead, nor will you let your faithful one see decay. You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand. (Psalm 16)

 

The past few days have been emotionally difficult. I’m a world-champion fretter. Some friends are making a decision for which I feel responsible. It’s their decision, but if it doesn’t work out well, I’ll kick myself for a long time, so I’m worrying. I want it to work out well for them. My book isn’t progressing as well as I’d like, and my books aren’t selling as well as I’d like. I’m looking for a job, but not very hard. Nothing is quite as I want it to be, and I tend to think in terms of “pass/fail.”

So as I read this psalm, a big part of me wants to do the big baby routine and cry and whimper about needing that refuge the psalmist is talking about. But the truth comes out when I get to the third paragraph. If the Lord alone were my portion and my cup, if He alone made my lot secure, I wouldn’t be whining. I say I believe that He will not abandon me in the realm of the dead, etc., but that doesn’t mean I won’t travel through the valley of the shadow of death, and every time I see a thimble-full of shadow, I’m sure I’m in that valley.

And what all that brings me back to is that God is my refuge, but that the Promised Land within me has not been taken. I’ve let the five nations continue to live – and most of the time, it doesn’t even occur to me that I need to go to war. But while He makes known to me the path of life, and He will fill me with joy in His presence, and with eternal pleasures at His right hand, there are still battles that must be fought.

A poem comes to mind – not as inspired as the psalm above, but which describes the struggle I so often face:

 

My Five Smooth Stones

 My five smooth stones, they missed their mark today.

The giant laughed and went his scornful way.

and I, left dazed and bloody on the field,

can only say that I refused to yield,

for all the good that did, I slowed him not

No vict’ry song, it’s better off forgot

 

Your five smooth stones, they missed their mark today

But mine flew straight, they did not go astray.

Your ego’s wound will let your soul be healed,

and from the worst my mercy did you shield.

The battle won was not the one you thought

But standing there you did not do for nought.

            And so, even when I don't notice, He is still my Refuge and my Protector.