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Externals ...

 In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. (Philippians 1:4-5)

There was a popular saying years ago, “Please be patient, God isn’t finished with me yet.” I tended to think that some people resorted to it as an excuse for not bothering to try to curb bad behavior. At the other end are the people who flip out if you happen to prove less than perfect – according to their definition of perfect. Then there are the people who don’t notice their own imperfections much, while others fret over them. I think I go back and forth between those last two. There are things about which I’m not as concerned as I should be, and there are things I fret about. And sometimes, I just fret. And the idea that someone might pray with joy for me, or consider me a partner in the gospel – ludicrous. Of course, little of any of this is rational, and that’s part of the problem.

          Last night while visiting a friend, I tried to explain a little about my faith in God’s guidance. While there are times when I’m anxious about specifics and “right now,” God has taught me that He is guiding me. I don’t need to worry about “missing an exit” in terms of His will for me. This morning, God is challenging my security on this. If I am generally confident that He will direct my path, why am I anxious about specifics and right nows? And if I am confident that He will direct my path, why am I anxious about my internal progress as a  Christian?

          Of course, part of it is because these things are attacks used to separate me from God. But equally, it is because this is something God is working into my life. That also brings to mind a line from The Horse And His Boy, in which Aslan tells Shasta that he is telling Shasta Shasta’s story, not Aravis’. One of the struggles I face is well-meaning people who think I should relax, calm down, and (it seems to me) become like them.

          That may be God’s eventual goal, but when I think about kicking back and relaxing – watching TV every evening, or whatever – I stress. That’s the problem I have with Sundays. It’s supposed to be a day of rest, but most of what others dictate as “resting” or “relaxing” isn’t restful or relaxing to me. The purpose of the day of rest is to draw us closer to God, but I think there’s an aspect of it that is also designed to recharge us. I’ve read a couple books on some of this, but I think I need to go back to it – and develop an answer that I can give for a more individualized idea of rest, relaxation, and recharging as I take the lesson I’ve learned about God guiding me in externals to God guiding me in the internals.

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