Not Measuring Up

 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. (II Corinthians 1:3-4)

Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. (Matthew 18:22)  (the note on this verse says  “or seventy times seven times.”)

Compassion. We seem to follow a couple of trends when it comes to compassion. One is that no one can possibly understand how I feel, the depth of the pain. Usually, this claim deals with anyone who hasn’t suffered the exact same thing. If you haven’t suffered from chronic illness, or mental illness, or the loss of some specific relationship, or whatever,  you can’t possibly relate to – or comfort someone who has one of those.

Another is that if you are suffering, or if someone who is suffering has your sympathy for some reason, then no one else’s suffering compares. There’s a meme going around now that basically kicks anyone to the curb who is facing a struggle or an unpleasant situation that isn’t on the level of those who are suffering in Ukraine. In the past, it’s been the soldiers in the Middle East, and (an old favorite) the starving children in Biafra, or India. This reminds me of Mrs. Jellyby from Bleak House, who works tirelessly on behalf of the people of an African nation, to the extent that – if she lived today, her children would be removed by Child Services because of neglect. No suffering on their part is the least concern, so long as something is done to help those people halfway around the world.

And the Ukrainians, soldiers, Biafrans, Indians, Haitians, and others do deserve our compassion. I find nothing in Scripture that suggests we shouldn’t show compassion, and even give more than is convenient, but the flip side of the situation is that if you aren’t the one suffering, or if the person suffering doesn’t happen to have your sympathy for some reason, then unless the sufferer measures up in the quantity of suffering – unless they can prove that their suffering is actually worse than the Ukrainians, soldiers, Biafrans, Indians, Haitians, etc., then they should be ashamed of saying a word about any problem they might be having.

Well, I’m sorry if my level of suffering (or someone else’s) doesn’t measure up to the loft bar that you’ve set as your minimum qualification for compassion, but that’s not how Scripture tells us it’s supposed to work. We are supposed to love our neighbors as ourselves. As today’s passage points out, our experience of suffering and struggle is supposed to prepare us to show sympathy to those in any trouble – not just to those who can put enough checkmarks on your evaluation chart.

As if requiring people to compete for compassion isn’t bad enough, there’s an uglier side. If you don’t measure up, you should be ashamed of having said a word. You’re guilty of narcissism because you think you matter more than all those poor people who really deserve our compassion. And the truth of the matter is, the person who guilts the sufferer who doesn’t measure up doesn’t actually have to do anything for those suffering in Ukraine (or wherever.) All they have to do is point to their suffering, and not only do they not have to do a thing about the suffering in Ukraine, but they also don’t have to do anything to help the person in front of them who is struggling.  It’s a “Get out of Compassion Free” card. All it takes is accusing them before God of being unworthy.

Now, I’ll grant that some of the suffering and struggles that people face is small potatoes. It’s a weight that you or I might be able to lift with a broken pinky finger on a bad day. That doesn’t mean it’s not a problem for them. Love requires that we help them and show them compassion – without neglecting the Ukrainians. And if we think they’re guilty of being petty, we’re supposed to forgive them, not seven times, but seventy times seven times.

I’m not saying there is no point at which we have to show tough love, but I have to wonder if one of the reasons we suffer is that we haven’t learned to show compassion to others who are suffering. We’re too busy judging them, and perhaps even sadder than that is the fact that we don't realize how hateful we're being. We actually "mean well."