Amnon, Tamar, Absalom

                 But when she took it to him to eat, he grabbed her and said, “Come to bed with me, my sister.”

“No, my brother!” she said to him. “Don’t force me! Such a thing should not be done in Israel! Don’t do this wicked thing. What about me? Where could I get rid of my disgrace? And what about you? You would be like one of the wicked fools in Israel. Please speak to the king; he will not keep me from being married to you.” But he refused to listen to her, and since he was stronger than she, he raped her.

Then Amnon hated her with intense hatred. In fact, he hated her more than he had loved her. Amnon said to her, “Get up and get out!”

…Her brother Absalom said to her, “Has that Amnon, your brother, been with you? Be quiet for now, my sister; he is your brother. Don’t take this thing to heart.” And Tamar lived in her brother Absalom’s house, a desolate woman. (II Samuel 13:11-15 & 20) 

 

 

This isn’t one of the passages of Scripture we tend to like to read. Amnon was a bad brother. We tend to think Absalom was a good brother, but I’ll return to that. I didn’t include the verse that spoke of David’s response, but David was a bad father. He wasn’t a bad father because his kids turned out bad. We all know people whose children turned out bad even though the parents were good. He was a bad father because when he learned what happened to Tamar, he was angry but apparently left the matter to Absalom, who later contrived to kill Ammon and eventually committed treason.

But what I invite you to consider today is what didn’t happen. Tamar pleaded with Amnon to take the matter up with David, to ask David for what he wanted. Technically, the marriage would have been against the Law, but David probably would have given Amnon what he wanted. Amnon refused to go to David and took what he thought he wanted.

When Absalom found out, he didn’t take the matter to King David. He took responsibility for Tamar’s care. When Nathan confronted David with his sins in the Bathsheba/Uriah situation, David had repented. If Tamar and Absalom had taken the matter to David or the High Priest, and especially if they had been stubborn about it, David would likely have had to take action, but because Absalom stepped in, David could ignore it.

            This story speaks to our lives and our relationship with God. Like Amnon, we tend to think our Father won’t give us what we want. This goes back to the seeds of distrust planted by Satan in the garden… “Did God really say…?” We expect God to withhold what is good. And like Amnon, when things don’t turn out the way we expect, we take it out on whoever we can think of to blame because we can’t accept the blame ourselves.

            Like Tamar and Absalom, we don’t run to our Father when bad things happen to us or to others. We try to deal with it ourselves, or we turn to another person. Things would have improved if any of the three children had gone to their father. If we would go to our Father, things would turn out better. But somehow, we are often convinced that He is the last person we turn to, and so, like Amnon, Tamar, and Absalom, we end up figures of tragedy rather than victory.