Skip to main content

Search Me!

         May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer. (Psalm 19:14)

        Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. (Psalm 139:23-24)

          I remember being afraid of this verse and rebellious. God was not welcome to monitor the words of my mouth or the meditations of my heart and judge whether or not they pleased Him. Not in a million years, because is I ever allowed it, He would walk away and reject me forever. Even if I weren’t condemned to Hell, He’d give me a place to live in Heaven in a neighborhood He rarely visits. In other words, He would be disappointed with me.

          Please, don’t bother correcting the failure of logic and reason above. If nothing else, it is no longer how I think. Besides, I suspect there’s no one alive – who isn’t arrogant and self-deceiving – who doesn’t feel the same way about some thoughts, words, or deeds.

          Somewhere, somewhen along the line, I remember (whether it happened or not) deciding that if that was what God required, I’d submit to His inspection… with gritted teeth and tense shoulders, eyes fixed on anything other than Him so I wouldn’t see the rejection, but I’d submit.

          Over time, I’ve come to pray these verses almost in desperation. If only God will inspect and review, then the flaws can be fixed, and the alternative is, in a sense, precisely what I concluded would happen if he did inspect and review. I can hardly “live in His neighborhood” (so to speak) if I refuse to have anything to do with Him because I’m prejudging what He will say.

          It’s not always easy to hear what God has to say, but it’s so much better than not doing so.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Higher Thoughts

  “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the  Lord . “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. (Isaiah 55:8-9)           The person with the Spirit makes judgments about all things, but such a person is not subject to merely human judgments,   for, “Who has known the mind of the Lord      so as to instruct him?” But we have the mind of Christ. (I Corinthians 2:15-16) If you read about the ancient gods of the various peoples, you’ll find that they think just like people. In fact, they think just like the sort of people we really wouldn’t want to be around. They think like the most corrupt Hollywood producer or, like hormone overloaded teens with no upbringing.   It’s embarrassing to read. I have a friend who argues that because God is not just like us, He is so vastly dif...
2 comments
Read more

Think About These Things

                 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. (Philippians 4:8) This passage is a major challenge for me. Like everyone else, I struggle to keep my thoughts from wandering off into the weeds, then wondering what possible benefits those weeds might have… Sigh. But as a writer, I have to delve at least a little into the ignoble, wrong, impure, unlovely, and debased. After all, there’s no story if everything’s just as it should be and everyone’s happy. As Christians, there are times when we need to deal with all the negatives, but that makes it even more important that we practice turning our minds by force of attention to what is noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, and praiseworthy. It’s just too easy to get stuck in a swamp. With my...
1 comment
Read more

A Virgin?

           Therefore the Lord himself will give you a sign: The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and will call him Immanuel. (Isaiah 7:14)           This is how the birth of Jesus Christ came about: His mother Mary was pledged to be married to Joseph, but before they came together, she was found to be with child through the Holy Spirit. (Matthew 1:18)           But the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary, you have found favor with God. You will be with child and give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, and he will reign over the house of Jacob forever; his kingdom will never end.”            “How will this be,” Mary asked the...
Post a Comment
Read more