Insults

             Fools show their annoyance at once, but the prudent overlook an insult. (Proverbs12:16)

 

          If you have never offended anyone, raise your hand. If you have never been offended, raise your hand. Hm-mm. It looks like I’m writing to the right crowd. As with any group of people, some offenses have been committed in my park. In some cases, I think the offense was not so much committed as presumed. But that doesn’t matter. What matters is that someone’s feelings were hurt. And yes, the person who did the hurting was probably wrong (or misunderstood.) But today’s post has to do with the person who was offended.

          So, another show of hands, please. If you have ever expressed your annoyance with someone who has offended you, raise your hand. Yep, the right crowd again. But this is the crux of the matter. To some people, “expressed your annoyance” means that you voiced your opinion in the matter. Perhaps you dressed down the person who annoyed you. Perhaps you went to someone in authority and expressed your annoyance to that person. Or, you might have gone home and ranted about it to your family and friends. But it might even be that you didn’t say anything to anyone, but you’re “done” with the person in question. All of these are kinds of attacks. The last is called withdrawal, and while it’s less obvious, it’s still designed to punish the person who offended you. What none of these options does is to address the actual problem.

          If wisdom deals with reality in a good, practical way, all of the options listed above must be considered folly. While some may think withdrawal is the same as overlooking the insult, it’s not. Overlooking the matter means the relationship is more important. Withdrawal means that the insult is more important. Withdrawal is also different from taking some time to deal with things because the goal of withdrawal is to hurt or harm the offender, or to force the offender to capitulate. Withdrawal can also be a form of running away, but again, the insult is in control.

          This does not mean there are not times when we can’t overlook a matter. The subject of the discussion is insults, whether that means someone not doing what we wanted or someone calling us names. It is not assault and battery, physical abuse, emotional abuse, gaslighting, etc.

          And I can’t say that I’m all that good at overlooking things. I may not notice some things, but I tend to either challenge, complain, or withdraw. I’m not alone. It’s human nature. Only God working in us can bring  us to the point where we can overlook the deeper insults.