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Love Is...

             Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. (I Corinthians 13:4-7)


We love because he first loved us. (I John 4:19)

 

Yesterday, I defined love as a commitment to do what is in the best interest of the beloved while maintaining a healthy relationship with the beloved. Today’s passage is a description of what that looks like. In the past, I’ve suggested that you look in a mirror and recite the passage while looking in your eyes. The first time, change the word “love” to “God” and add “to me,” “with me” or whatever is needed to make yourself the direction object of God’s actions. The second time, change “love” to “I” and add a direct object of someone in your life. Stop whenever you find something difficult to say and talk with God about it.   

But, let’s return to the bluntness of yesterday. Why do you love your spouse or significant other? Some people have said “Because __ makes me laugh,” “Because ___’s beautiful/handsome,” “Because ___ makes me feel good about myself,” or “because ___ completes me.” I’ve heard other women talk about the notion of ever submitting to her husband being horrific because men are abusive. And, of course, there’s the “sexual chemistry” angle. And then there’s my own lame statement. I’m not sure I do love, but if I do, it’s probably because that’s my job or responsibility. After all, we’re commanded to love God and one another.

I have two thoughts about the sort of love described above. The first is that those things don’t describe love, they describe use and possibly toxicity. The second is that the person asks loves because the person they love loves them, just as we love God because God first loved us. I’m not setting up a dichotomy. The answer isn’t “one or the other.” It could be both or neither. You may have different answers, but the question we should ask ourselves about our love is whether or not – right this moment – it could be described by the today’s passage. And when the beloved does something that isn’t loving, or isn’t approved? Does the passage still describe us?

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