But God, How Could You...?

  In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God’s will. (Romans 8:26-27) 
         There are times that I pray some terrible prayers. I ask God to take my father’s life quickly. I don’t want him to die soon, but when he dies, I want him to die quickly. It’s a terrible prayer because it’s partly motivated by my feeling unequal to the task of caring for him during a long, slow decline. I don’t want to watch him suffer. When I pray those prayers, I feel uncomfortable, even ashamed. I know God knows my motives aren’t pure – but there is love in that prayer.  I don’t know what’s best for Dad. I know what I think would be best, and I pray accordingly.
          The Spirit helps us in our weakness. I may not be praying as I ought, but this passage at least suggests that the Spirit recognizes that I care for Dad, and I don’t want him to suffer, including suffering the indignity of having others care for him like a baby. I’m doing the best I can at praying for what is best for him. When the Spirit intercedes for me, I believe (hope) that He asks for what is actually best for Dad, even if it is not exactly what I think is best. The Spirit sees my flawed love and fills in the gaps with grace. God answers my prayers with what’s best for Dad, even if it’s the opposite of what I’m asking.

          It’s easy to get upset when our prayers are answered in precisely the way we don’t want. We think we know what’s best, and it seems as if God has said, “No.” Today’s passage tells us that God could answer with a resounding “Yes” to our real desires even while we’re saying, “But God, how could You…?”