If a man takes a wife and, after lying with her,
dislikes her and slanders her and gives her a bad name, saying, “I married this
woman, but when I approached her, I did not find proof of her virginity,” then
the girl’s father and mother shall bring proof that she was a virgin to the
town elders at the gate.
The girl’s father will say to the elders, “I gave my daughter in marriage to this man, but he dislikes her. Now he has slandered her and said, ‘I did not find your daughter to be a virgin.’ But here is the proof of my daughter’s virginity.” Then her parents shall display the cloth before the elders of the town, and the elders shall take the man and punish him. They shall fine him a hundred shekels of silver and give them to the girl’s father, because this man has given an Israelite virgin a bad name. She shall continue to be his wife; he must not divorce her as long as he lives.
If, however, the charge is true and no proof of the girl’s virginity can be found, she shall be brought to the door of her father’s house and there the men of her town shall stone her to death. She has done a disgraceful thing in Israel by being promiscuous while still in her father’s house. You must purge the evil from among you. (Deuteronomy 22:13-21)
The girl’s father will say to the elders, “I gave my daughter in marriage to this man, but he dislikes her. Now he has slandered her and said, ‘I did not find your daughter to be a virgin.’ But here is the proof of my daughter’s virginity.” Then her parents shall display the cloth before the elders of the town, and the elders shall take the man and punish him. They shall fine him a hundred shekels of silver and give them to the girl’s father, because this man has given an Israelite virgin a bad name. She shall continue to be his wife; he must not divorce her as long as he lives.
If, however, the charge is true and no proof of the girl’s virginity can be found, she shall be brought to the door of her father’s house and there the men of her town shall stone her to death. She has done a disgraceful thing in Israel by being promiscuous while still in her father’s house. You must purge the evil from among you. (Deuteronomy 22:13-21)
Let me begin by
saying that this is a tough passage for modern Americans to read. This is
clearly not our culture, but let me point out what the passage does not say. It
does not say that if a man discovers that his bride was not a virgin, that he
must stone her. It does not demand that every woman prove she is a virgin
before she gets married.
This law was designed to protect young women from spurious accusations. Divorce, according to the Law, required a good reason. A man wasn’t supposed to be able to walk away from his marriage just because he wanted to, but infidelity was a valid reason. This passage provided protection for the young women. If the man was proven to be a liar, he had to give a large sum to his father-in-law. Some might object that it should have been given to the woman, but if it had, the husband would have had access to it. I believe the intent was for the woman’s father to hold it in case the fickle husband decided to abandon her.
I didn’t share this passage with you because I think we should stone girls who have extra-marital sex or who can’t prove their virginity. I shared this passage because it shows how important faithfulness and integrity are. One couldn’t throw away a young woman by lying about her faithfulness and integrity. If a man tried to do so and was proven to be a liar, he lost his opportunity to ever divorce her and had to effectively set up an alimony fund of one hundred sheckles[1] in case he decided to abandon her. He had proven his untrustworthiness and the woman’s family and society were to hold him to his promise.
It also taught women and their families that faithfulness and integrity were vital. It could not only be the difference between life and death for her, but the crime was also laid at the door of her family. In our society, sex seems to be nothing more than a way to escape boredom. We seem to have this notion that shaming is an even worse punishment than spanking. We’re told that kids are too stupid and too weak to say no to their hormones. Faithfulness, if it has any value, is valued only (and at best) eventually and only until. Parents claim helplessness and turn away from responsibility – or, worse, they treat their children’s sexuality as a source of entertainment. It’s “cute…romantic.”
Forty to eighty percent of teenage school students (depending on race) claim to have been sexually active. Statistically, ten to twenty percent of those are going to contract one or more sexually transmitted diseases, many of which can do permanent damage. Psychology Today reports a strong correlation between teen sexual activity and depression. The statistics are higher among adults who are sexually active outside of marriage. Studies are showing that the best sex is within a faithful marriage. The Bible doesn’t command absolute faithfulness and abstinence just to make people miserable. It commands it to protect people and society from harm. Everything about living up to Biblical standards promotes a healthy, happy life. Everything about rejecting those standards promotes disease, depression and death. Now, tell me again how it is ridiculous it is to demand sexual responsibility from children. Tell me again how barbaric it is to shame them for doing something that leads to depression, death, disease and sterility, not only to them, but to their partners? Tell me again that fidelity and marriage are bad ideas. Tell me again how – when society has to pay the price for twelve million cases of STDs (25% of them among teens) each year and the price depression how it’s not my business what “mutually consenting” people of any age do. When sixty percent of teens with depression fail to complete schooling, tell me again how society should turn a blind eye to this behavior. Somehow, I doubt that forty to eighty percent of teenage girls were stoned at their parents’ doors. Somehow, I doubt forty to eighty percent of young men had to pay out those fines. Somehow, I suspect their society was happier and healthier than ours.
This law was designed to protect young women from spurious accusations. Divorce, according to the Law, required a good reason. A man wasn’t supposed to be able to walk away from his marriage just because he wanted to, but infidelity was a valid reason. This passage provided protection for the young women. If the man was proven to be a liar, he had to give a large sum to his father-in-law. Some might object that it should have been given to the woman, but if it had, the husband would have had access to it. I believe the intent was for the woman’s father to hold it in case the fickle husband decided to abandon her.
I didn’t share this passage with you because I think we should stone girls who have extra-marital sex or who can’t prove their virginity. I shared this passage because it shows how important faithfulness and integrity are. One couldn’t throw away a young woman by lying about her faithfulness and integrity. If a man tried to do so and was proven to be a liar, he lost his opportunity to ever divorce her and had to effectively set up an alimony fund of one hundred sheckles[1] in case he decided to abandon her. He had proven his untrustworthiness and the woman’s family and society were to hold him to his promise.
It also taught women and their families that faithfulness and integrity were vital. It could not only be the difference between life and death for her, but the crime was also laid at the door of her family. In our society, sex seems to be nothing more than a way to escape boredom. We seem to have this notion that shaming is an even worse punishment than spanking. We’re told that kids are too stupid and too weak to say no to their hormones. Faithfulness, if it has any value, is valued only (and at best) eventually and only until. Parents claim helplessness and turn away from responsibility – or, worse, they treat their children’s sexuality as a source of entertainment. It’s “cute…romantic.”
Forty to eighty percent of teenage school students (depending on race) claim to have been sexually active. Statistically, ten to twenty percent of those are going to contract one or more sexually transmitted diseases, many of which can do permanent damage. Psychology Today reports a strong correlation between teen sexual activity and depression. The statistics are higher among adults who are sexually active outside of marriage. Studies are showing that the best sex is within a faithful marriage. The Bible doesn’t command absolute faithfulness and abstinence just to make people miserable. It commands it to protect people and society from harm. Everything about living up to Biblical standards promotes a healthy, happy life. Everything about rejecting those standards promotes disease, depression and death. Now, tell me again how it is ridiculous it is to demand sexual responsibility from children. Tell me again how barbaric it is to shame them for doing something that leads to depression, death, disease and sterility, not only to them, but to their partners? Tell me again that fidelity and marriage are bad ideas. Tell me again how – when society has to pay the price for twelve million cases of STDs (25% of them among teens) each year and the price depression how it’s not my business what “mutually consenting” people of any age do. When sixty percent of teens with depression fail to complete schooling, tell me again how society should turn a blind eye to this behavior. Somehow, I doubt that forty to eighty percent of teenage girls were stoned at their parents’ doors. Somehow, I doubt forty to eighty percent of young men had to pay out those fines. Somehow, I suspect their society was happier and healthier than ours.
[1] If
my calculations are correct, that would be around $610 dollars using today’s
value of silver. Slaves cost about $200 by comparison. Another resource set the
value of a day’s labor at fifteen to seventeen cents, meaning that the fine for
a false charge of infidelity was about 10 years. The equivalent idea today
would cost a man falsely making the accusation $250,000-300,000.
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