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How Do You Choose Your Friends?


The righteous choose their friends carefully, but the way of the wicked leads them astray. (Proverbs 12:26)
          This is one with which I have a lot of trouble. I don’t tend to choose my friends. I can only think of a few times when I’ve thought, “There’s someone I want to be friends (or in the case of guys, more than friends) with.” They guys in question either wisely told me, “No thanks”- sometimes more bluntly than that, or they ran the other way. The gals generally weren’t a lot different. One that comes to mind met with me once and it felt like a business meeting. A long time later, we became better acquainted, but not really friends. I respect her and I’m fond of her, but I can’t say we’re friends. I did become friends with another for several years until her interests and mine no longer corresponded. Now, I don’t seem to fit into her world and, well, no one fits into mine at the moment. 
          Then, there are those who choose me. I don’t choose them. I am their project. One was “friends” with me for at least twenty years before she suddenly discovered (in her words) that I’m a narcissist and told me I was never to contact her again. I’ve had some of these folks tell me quite bluntly that they were being my friend because I needed one so that they could help me. I’ve been told when the “friendship” ended that others had told them not to bother with me, but they took a chance anyway. When I didn’t prove as pliable as Eliza Doolittle, or they discovered that their monster was more than they bargained for (poor, poor Doctors Frankenstein,) and well, that was the end and I am declared to be the monster. 
          Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying I don’t have friends – and good friends. I’m not saying I’m the easiest person to be friends with or that I’m a good choice for friendship and they’re all fools for missing out on me. I’m just saying that I don’t tend to choose friends. I’m not sure most people choose their friends, but maybe that’s part of my problem. Maybe they do, and I don’t realize it. Most of my friends are people with whom I fall into acquaintance based on convenience. I’m there. They’re there. We chat. When either I or they aren’t there anymore, it’s over. I don’t really choose them. It’s within that category that I tend to find good friends. 
          So, I’m wondering how one would choose friends carefully. What do you look for in friends? What do I look for in friends? What would Scripture say about the matter? I’m not sure all of what it says, but today’s passage says that we should choose them carefully. After that, it tells us that the way of the wicked will lead them (the wicked? the righteous? Yes.) astray. Staying away from the wicked is recommended throughout Scripture. Some people would rightly state that Scripture tells us to love everyone, including our enemies, but there’s a difference between loving someone and being their friend. From today’s passage, it’s clear that the person one should seek for a friend is not a person who engages in activities one believes to be wrong, because there are two real choices in the long run: fight them or join them.

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