Anxiety weighs down the heart, but a kind word cheers it up. (Proverbs 12:25)
There’s a meme that talks about the idea that employees who feel appreciated work harder than those who don’t. Having worked in two jobs with toxic cultures, I understand this completely. Unfortunately, I suspect I bring toxicity to any relationship I have. I suspect everyone does, but some of us more than others. Another part of me says that this sort of thinking always seems to surface when I’ve been dealing with other toxic people, or when I’ve been reading about people who are mentally ill. I’ve been doing both lately.
I’m not good at the kind word bit, especially before or during the task set before me. Some people out working in their yard, or out walking, or whatever are happy to see another person come along, to let them escape from the work at hand. I’m the opposite. If I’m doing something, I’m doing that thing and you’re an interruption. I may like you. I may be happy to see you. But you’re still an interruption, even if I don’t say so. When I, or we, are done with what needs to be done (if there’s not something else demanding my attention) I’m more willing to be kind. What is undone causes me anxiety. Sometimes, I just live with the anxiety, but it’s still there.
But I’ve noticed something about the idea of kind words. I know lots of people who claim to be kind, and who make sure to tell everyone either how kind they are (and everyone else isn’t) or how much everyone (else) should be kind. It’s like the memes that say that if you cared about someone, you’d call them, or tell them, answer their texts within thirty seconds…. Shame on you for not doing these things! But I look at my phone… no messages, no texts. I look online – the vast majority of so-called positive stuff I find is “broadcast.” It’s not for me. It’s for all those other folks, oh – and I guess for me if I insist.
No, I’m not telling you to start an encouragement campaign for Karen. I’m just pointing out a reality. Those PMA (positive mental attitude, positive thoughts, etc.) are not the same and not a good substitute for real connection. They are kindness to someone who doesn’t matter enough to warrant personal attention in our too busy, too distracted world. I’m as guilty as the next person – probably more so.
There’s a meme that talks about the idea that employees who feel appreciated work harder than those who don’t. Having worked in two jobs with toxic cultures, I understand this completely. Unfortunately, I suspect I bring toxicity to any relationship I have. I suspect everyone does, but some of us more than others. Another part of me says that this sort of thinking always seems to surface when I’ve been dealing with other toxic people, or when I’ve been reading about people who are mentally ill. I’ve been doing both lately.
I’m not good at the kind word bit, especially before or during the task set before me. Some people out working in their yard, or out walking, or whatever are happy to see another person come along, to let them escape from the work at hand. I’m the opposite. If I’m doing something, I’m doing that thing and you’re an interruption. I may like you. I may be happy to see you. But you’re still an interruption, even if I don’t say so. When I, or we, are done with what needs to be done (if there’s not something else demanding my attention) I’m more willing to be kind. What is undone causes me anxiety. Sometimes, I just live with the anxiety, but it’s still there.
But I’ve noticed something about the idea of kind words. I know lots of people who claim to be kind, and who make sure to tell everyone either how kind they are (and everyone else isn’t) or how much everyone (else) should be kind. It’s like the memes that say that if you cared about someone, you’d call them, or tell them, answer their texts within thirty seconds…. Shame on you for not doing these things! But I look at my phone… no messages, no texts. I look online – the vast majority of so-called positive stuff I find is “broadcast.” It’s not for me. It’s for all those other folks, oh – and I guess for me if I insist.
No, I’m not telling you to start an encouragement campaign for Karen. I’m just pointing out a reality. Those PMA (positive mental attitude, positive thoughts, etc.) are not the same and not a good substitute for real connection. They are kindness to someone who doesn’t matter enough to warrant personal attention in our too busy, too distracted world. I’m as guilty as the next person – probably more so.
Lord, teach us not just to be kind, but how to be kind.
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