Good Decisions

 Do not stare at me because I am dark, because I am darkened by the sun. My mother’s sons were angry with me and made me take care of the vineyards; my own vineyard I had to neglect. (Song of Solomon 1:6)

          As I read comments on social media, one of the things I’m noticing is how overwhelmed people seem to be. Some people blame the pandemic, and I’ll grant you, there are people out there who are gas-lighting the rest of us, telling us we must give up our lives and survive according to their dictates or show ourselves to be heartless, selfish people.

Some blame the holidays. Others blame something else. Now, I have a fair number of writer friends, and we may all be being drama queens/kings, but one friend shared how overwhelmed she feels, and that was the inspiration for today’s post. Now, the first three things we need to do when we feel overwhelmed are the good Sunday School answers: Pray. Praise. Give thanks. Those are critical, vital, all-important. I’m not disregarding them or trying to lessen their importance. Consider them a given.

In fact, they are three great examples of what we need to do. Some people call it being proactive. Some say it’s responding instead of reacting. Nice, important-sounding words. Let me suggest a more operative set of words. Make conscious decisions. Make good decisions that are decisions. Make a mug of tea for yourself, but don’t just go through the motions of making the tea and slurping it down without tasting it. Tea is good for you. Making tea, therefore, is good for you.

I’m learning to drink solar green tea (AKA patio tea of a green variety.) Instead of filling the container with water and dumping 6 tea bags in, I’m trying to think about it. I’m making mint-green tea today. I’m being healthy. I’m being adventurous. I’m doing something good for me – and for anyone who stops by and wants some. And I’m trying to consciously drink the tea. “This mug is good for me. It’s a good decision.”

I am beginning to think that a lot of our problem with being overwhelmed is that we aren’t making good decisions. We’re reacting to stimuli, but we’re not really paying attention. Over the past couple of weeks, I’ve been weeding other people’s lots. It’s a decision I made. I think it’s a good decision. It does me good. It does them good. It’s also exhausting. I made another good decision. I do not weed on Sunday – well, not real weeding. Pulling up something as I walk by it isn’t weeding. I don’t take my truck and three boxes to a lot, fill up the boxes, dump them, and move to the next lot. It’s hard to say “no” to weeding on Sunday because I’m accomplishing something, but my body needs the day off, so I am doing good by resting on Sundays.

A couple days ago, I made another decision. Last year, I decided Saturdays were my day to work outside. Now I’m working outside every day but Sunday, so the decision I made was that Saturday’s work would at least include my own place – it can even only be my place – until or unless I can’t think of anything to be done. That will be awhile. I also decided that this year, we (at least I) need light and music for the Christmas season. The lights are up, but the project is unfinished because I haven’t decided I like them that way. That’s OK. I made a decision to do lights.

Years ago, I made other good decisions. I decided to quit my job to take care of Dad. I decided to spend time when he didn’t actually need me writing. I decided that I was not permitted to stop writing until or unless someone I respect, who knows the writing business, reads my stuff and says, “Quit.”

Now, let me share what might not have been such a good decision – my butterfly garden. I’m not saying I was stupid to put do it, but it was an impulse. There were caterpillars on that thar dill plant. I wanted a dill plant and how could I pass them by? And once I started, wasn’t I obligated to keep buying dill plants to keep them alive, and if I was going to do that, didn’t I also need to buy milkweed, Lantana, and all the rest? I’m enjoying it. I’m glad I did it and I hope the butterflies, geckos, and birds benefit, but it wasn’t a good decision.

Too often, I think we’re like the woman from Song of Solomon. Our brothers, our spouses, our parents, our teachers, our schedule, our work… something is angry with us and makes us take care of something else so that we don’t have time to tend our own whatever it is. Everyone and everything else makes decisions for us and we go along with them but wonder why our lives feel out of control.

Here’s my suggestion – make the decision to make good decisions and make the decision to write them in your journal. Don’t start with big decisions like buying a new place or going back to school. Start with little decisions that benefit others and/or yourself. What can you do right now to benefit yourself or someone else? It might be putting on moisturizer. It might be evangelism. It might be drinking a cup of café mocha (Yum) or putting color on your fingernails because color improves your mood.

I think a word of warning is needed. These decisions I’m talking about aren’t to earn the approval of God, other people, or even yourself. They’re not self-indulgent. They’re self-care and care of others. That’s why I’m suggesting that you focus on little things. The idea is to practice making good decisions, not to impress people. The goal is to care for our own vineyard when we can.