Whining

                Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. (James 1:22)

                While this verse wasn’t specifically on my mind this morning as I walked, it could have been. I interrupted my routine of prayer with a heartfelt need for God to help me in every area of my life. I was hit with the general (and often reached) conclusion that I am a complete failure in every area of my life. Of course, that tends to be because I’m not doing everything completely right (to my specifications). This verse would have fit right in, because I am not being the Christian I think I should be. I’m not doing everything Scripture says. Like everyone else, I’m deceiving myself. And I do so far too often.

                As I whined at God about what a failure I am, He answered with the observation that I’ve made progress over the years. And I have. There are things I’m doing now that I wish I had done forty years ago. Granted, as a neighbor pointed out yesterday, my father wouldn’t have let me do some of them. But I think she was also criticizing what I’ve done because, from many people's perspective, my front garden is a disaster. Weeds all over!  But it’s on purpose. And maybe, if I’d started earlier, I would be much farther ahead, but I doubt it.

                Getting back to today’s passage, I’m sure it’s the same way. I am not living as I should. I’m not doing everything Scripture says as well as I should. I don’t even merely listen to the word as much as I should, because if I listened/read more of it, I might do more. But I’m trying to learn, and trying to learn equals failing.

                I’m not saying, “Oh, wherever you are and whatever you’re doing is OK.” Where I am and what I’m doing isn’t OK. But it’s closer to OK than I was ten years ago. And the other factor with this is the whole book of Psalms. The psalmists often lamented their circumstances and prayed for help in those circumstances. So I am doing what it says when I run to God, even if the reason for that sprint is a paper cut 1/10^th of an inch long.

                A friend is allowing me to foster some Monarch caterpillars. One has purged, meaning it’s getting ready to pupate. Others aren’t too far behind. I’m happy to see that, but it brings to mind the process. They purge. I’ll let you imagine that if you wish. They climb away from their safe places on the milkweed, build a “button” from which they hang themselves, and make themselves completely vulnerable as they hang for 24 hours. After that, they shed their skin, revealing their chrysalis. That means they’ve basically melted down their bodies. They hang around for another 10-15 days, and emerge as beautiful butterflies.

                This is the process we’re facing. We aren’t the beautiful creatures who live in accordance with God’s Word. We have voracious appetites, too many feet (and they all seem to be left feet), and no wings. It’d be nice if becoming a Christian meant we turned immediately into a butterfly, but it doesn’t. You might say that it’s the purging process, and that process doesn’t happen quickly as a one-time thing. And the rest of our lives are spent melting down and reforming so that we can emerge into the Sonlight as “butterflies.” Which might give us a different perspective on what it means to have a meltdown. Or it should.