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Forgive ...

  Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for each other, love one another deeply, from the heart[1]. (I Peter 1:22)

And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ (Matthew 22:39)

I’m writing this at lunchtime. Blogs are supposed to be written before 9 am, but I spent most of the morning removing the last of the boxes from the truck, mowing the lawn, and pulling weeds. I set up my little roadside sitting area, except for the signs. And I discovered that my four pots of succulents and two poinsettias survived. So did 2 thymes, parsley, rosemary, lantana, a mint, and maybe a Greek oregano. I watered them all. They’re going to need some TLC, but my little garden may come back.

But, I discovered a wasp’s nest less than 3 feet from my front door, in the area where Grace spends time. I had to go get some wasp spray, and while I was at the store, I found myself rehearsing the same old song. “I’m not getting anything done, I’m such a failure, woe is me!” Modulate up a half step and repeat until you reach your highest pitch, then reverse and work your way to your lowest.

As I left the store, I found myself thinking about forgiveness, and specifically about forgiving myself. When I got home, I checked my online, searchable Bible, and confirmed what I’d been pretty sure I’d find. There is nothing in Scripture that talks about forgiving yourself. You are to forgive everyone, and you are to seek forgiveness from anyone you have wronged. Is it assumed that none of us need direction in terms of forgiving ourselves? Is it obvious to us?

Some people are willing to forgive themselves for anything and everything. They absolve themselves without a second thought. Others find fault for failures even if they are things out of their control. I seem to be in the second group at the moment, kicking myself for 90% of the decisions I remember making in my life, and 100% of the decisions in the last month.

I’m also kicking myself for not getting things done as quickly as I’d like. I’ve been here for nearly 48 hours and while the truck is empty, Grace Cottage is a cluttered mess but, are those things sins? Do I need to forgive myself? Or do I only need to set reasonable goals? If they are sins, are they not the sins of not trusting God to lead me? If so, then do I need to forgive myself, or do I need to seek His forgiveness? Is this the lesson I’m to learn this winter? We shall see.


[1]         Some early manuscripts end this passage with “from a pure heart.”

 

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