Loneliness

               Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?  Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. (Ecclesiastes 4:11-12)

                This passage was one mentioned during my Sunday School class, in which the topic was loneliness. I’m not sharing this to get pity or to make others feel like they have to do something for me. I’m sharing it to explore and to invite others to explore as well. But these verses hit a little close to home. I don’t tend to think of myself as lonely. I’m used to being on my own.

                At the same time, I’ve written before about recognizing the benefits of community. Some of them are included in the passage above. As we discussed loneliness, I realized that I am facing a sort of loneliness. It’s not a wish or longing for someone to spend time with me, to pay attention to me, etc. It’s a practical problem. I am going to need to have people around, and I don’t tend to think that I have the sort of relationships that make that easy or comfortable. I know quite a few people that I like, but the idea of depending on them or having them in my home is intimidating. This may be a kind of loneliness.

                I may also have also been on the other side of this. A little over a week ago, a neighbor asked me if I’d seen his mother. She’d disappeared. While he started (continued?) looking, I started checking with neighbors, and soon had a group out looking for her. She was actually home the whole time, but there was that sense of someone potentially alone and in need.

                It’s not an emotional loneliness, exactly, though it can probably turn into one. It’s a practical, technical sort of loneliness that involves lacking something necessary other than comradery. Someone needs some practical help and doesn’t have a network to call on or doesn’t think they do. They don’t want to impose on others. They don’t want other to know their lifestyle or living space isn’t perfect. They don’t want to seem weak, poor, or a failure. There are lots of reasons but what may be at its core may be pride or fear. And, one solution is to deliberately invite people in – not to help, but just to make the connections so that you have someone you can ask for help when you need it, and who can ask for your help when they need it without either of you feeling awkward.