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Training Wheels

             Then Moses said to him, “If your Presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here. (Exodus 33:15)

It’s tempting to be jealous of the Israelites. They had the pillar of cloud by day and the pillar of fire by night to guide them. We have the still, small voice and circumstances. Yes, God has done an excellent job of guiding me. By that, I mean there have been times when I have see, heard, or felt the guidance. But that’s not the same as a pillar of cloud and of fire. You can see that, and if it turns left, there is no doubt you’re supposed to turn left. With the still, small voice and circumstances, faith is needed. God isn’t the problem; we are.  What if we’re not understanding or worse, what if we’ve misunderstood?

As I look at this verse, I am tempted to put God to the same test. I want His presence to be somehow manifested to me, so that I can see, hear, or feel and have confidence. The situation isn’t quite the same. Moses’s statement was in response to God’s saying He would not go with them. Moses wasn’t saying he wouldn’t go if God didn’t go with him. He was asking God not to send them if God would not go with them. What’s more, God said that He would not go with them because even though He was manifested in the pillar of cloud and fire, the Israelites weren’t being obedient or faithful.

The other thing that this doesn’t take into account is that the pillar was “training wheels” for the Israelites. It was not the final goal. They were given the Law to guide them, and eventually, the pillar was removed.  It’s not mentioned after the Israelites entered the Promised Land.  The goal was never for anyone to depend on this manifestation outside of the forty years. They and we were all supposed to be in the same boat, learning through trial and error how to hear, see, and feel God’s leading. And as much as I keep thinking “I am (or should be) a ‘big girl’ now, and don’t need training wheels,” the moment I don’t have them, I start whining because I’m not one of those daredevils who wants to pop wheelies. I’m one of those cowards who would probably be happy with a tricycle for the rest of my life but like to pretend that I’m ready for jumps over buses.

And the real point is that He has a hold on the back of the saddle, especially when I don't see him.

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